Monday, November 9, 2009


Redundant writing

never more obvious than

artsy reviewers

"the most Compelling haiku i have read this year" Haiku Fred - World Poetry Weekly

"Compelling" Amelia Cshanis - POETRY!

"Riveting" Philip McKraken - Singapore Sling

"the most haiku I have ever read this year" - Tony

"…The… of… compelling…" TIMEly Magezine

My latest Haiku -Haiku: a haiku by Mike Styles (with help from Kira Nolan) is a haiku about the frequent redundancy in reviews, in it we see a scene, a scene of a sea of snobs and shitty writing, all capped by the compelling final line "Artsy reviewers" -Haiku: a haiku by Mike Styles (with help from Kira Nolan) - Mike Styles (assistance from Kira Nolan) paints a picture of reviewers using pseudo intellectual catch words to compel their readers into docile acceptance of thei-

NO! STOP! ARRÉT! HALTEN! I cant do it!

I'm sorry; this article was supposed to be a satire about a common trend i have noticed in the reviewing and critic community, one which I am at odds with, the exhausting use of pseudo-smart lingo to keep readers lulled into a sense of snobbish pretentiousness, so that they might gain a overstuffed sense of self worth and continue to watch Michael Ba- EHEM view the reviewers works. NOW, I view this as a major problem as it promotes douche-bagged behavior (as well as the continuation of Megan fox's career as an [Mainstream] Actress) and the dumbing down of real reviews into broader douche-reviews, a new species of review, and a member of the greater problem, a plague upon our society, and a growing trend, one we can stop; YOU CAN HELP!

The problem is called Polybiabolicredundanicadicitis, and you can help stop it; all you need to do to protect yourself is go out to your nearest library, grab a dictionary, and read; thats all, no special secret, just education. It's a simple problem really, the masses level of education is declining, and as such, we are becoming less and less able to deal with verbose terminology, such as reviews containing new and unique perspectives and more over, ones that express them without using the words compelling, riveting, or Theatrical.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by the MASTER, RACE (the Mike [Awesome] Styles Team of Educated Reformers & Riviting Association of Clever Educationists)

Monday, November 2, 2009

Murder City

First off, let me get this off my chest, I haven't written in a while; its mostly because i'm lazy, but really, its because i haven't had any shit storms to write about lately, however, I have one matter that is very important to make, and I believe that it is of the utmost importance that I talk about this issue, as it is mounting against us as a society, and could one day topple the very fabric of what we call the upper middle class- this issue: FUCKING CHIHUAHUAS

I fucking hate the little fuckers with their yip yipitty yipping FUCK!

They fucking yip, and that is the only word for it, YIP it is fucking infuriating, they just go on and on and on until my fingers get sore and no longer want to write and on and on and ON; and thats not even the worst part, not even close, thats just a step below the little BEOTCHs that carry them around in their little fucking purses and fucking fucking,fucking carry them in there (fuck, I'm redundant) (back on track) little bags like they are so fucking Cute, they are NOT, they are fucking useless little rat dog- things, which serve no purpose but for one, one great purpose: Punting

Punting is as follows

punt |pənt| |pʌnt|


[ trans. ]to kick (the dog) after it is dropped from the hands and before it reaches the ground

This is the only recommended course of action in dealing with chihuahuas, a swift kick. Better yet, i propose the introduction of a new sport, perhaps maybe even to fill the now vacant spot on TSN!

CHIHUAHUA PUNTING: similar to Fable: The Lost Chapters' Chicken kick'n, teams would assemble into teams, and aim to kick their punt onto a board, their accuracy, and distance of kick would affect their score, with perhaps some bonus's suck as decapitations or continued streaks of successful punt kills!

Now, I understand that this may raise some animal rights issues with dog owners, as well as PETA, however, it is my belief that with a successful ad campaign, we can see a chihuahua punting league as early as next year! (mostly due in to that fact that nobody likes PETA)

But wait! Mike!? why do you hate chihuahuas?

They are small irritating and vile, they shit everywhere, women think they are grotesquely cute, and i hate them for it... also an incident in which one pissed on my shoes...

NEXT TOPIC!: twilight, Stephanie Meyer, and the demon Succubus Anne Rice

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

St. Jimmy

OK, since no one reads this, and if you do, please try to understand, this is my first post in well over 6 months, I have a lot on my plate, and this is really just where I come to vent, and write down my thoughts, I really don't have any sense of direction, and my thought process is a "write as I think" process, so bear with me...

OK, here goes


OK, so maybe that was a little bland, unimaginative, and maybe a little cliche, but you know what, its 2 in the morning, and I cant yell or my dad will wake up, so shut your mouth Mr. imaginary reader.  

Let me list all the things wrong with my life right now, and trust me, I may be a pessimist, but I know what’s bad when I see it, and this stuff is "fo real" 

(In no intended order of importance)

My friends, being the smart, reasonable, clear thinking, honest, chivalrous, kind, compassionate, loving, appreciative, glowing people they are,  aren't.  What's that? You don’t understand? Well, pull up a chair, because this is teenage life for dummies

Chapter one,  YOU

Think about yourself, in one word, describe yourself...

Done yet? No? Keep thinking...

Done yet? Yes, GOOD, please tell me all about it, bring coffee, beer, a five hour energy, whatever floats your is how I describe me, in one word...


Now, some scalawags might say that is a little ego maniacal, or even as far as narcissistic, but think about it,  I am unique, smart, I laugh at all of my jokes, so I must be a witty guy, I can stare in a mirror for hours, so I must be attractive, and I never notice any bad smell, so I must be Fabreeze, right? Right.  See the thing is, you may call me a narcissist, or maybe just a little bit too self involved, or immature, or a brat, or petulant, or just Mike (though if you call me just Mike, I will be unhappy), but to me, I am the best thing since sliced bread, this is mostly in due part to the fact that, I am me, and I like me, I am the best thing to happen to me since, since ever, I never argue with me, I never disagree with me, and hey, me and me, we always wear the same clothes, I mean what's not to like?

Other people however...whole different story. Now I am not saying that they are a bad thing, because frankly, they are people, just like me, so they are free to have they're own desires, wants, hopes, dreams... BUT, and this is a big but, if they are my "friends" then I would hope that I can expect a few things, and I hope I don't sound needy, or overbearing, but really, I would like to see some more love. no really. being me is just as, if not more, difficult than being you, why? because people think I am smart. now, if you think you are smart, then you will probably know what it feels like, if not, let me tell you how it feels..
I like to be right, hell, it turns me on, really, I just thought of a time I was right, and now, I have a boner, really, so you wanna know what? I hate to be wrong, why? Because it is not right, sooooo I make every effort to be right, now, i am not talking about getting 100% on tests, or even being on the honor roll, because really, I don't give a rats ass about that bullshit, I care about people, and you wanna know something, I don't think my "friends" do the same, I think that right now, they are too wrapped up in parties and invitations to even realize who I am, and you wanna know something, that feels like a kick in the gut..

How would you feel, if you felt that, if your whole family just picked up and moved away, that your friends wouldn't even blink, wouldn't even care, wouldn't even notice? I know, feels bad eh? Well guess what, thats how I feel, now, since I know you are not reading this, "friend", start being one, you see that phone? call me, you see that computer, I have a Facebook, message me, take initiative, please, make me feel wanted, make me feel like you actually want to be my friend, I don't want to have to be that "knight in shining armor" who calls you up and asks if you are busy, really, as much as I do it, it is a life of sad, hateful contempt, I hate having to be the only one I know who has the initiative to plan an event, to be the only one who can arrange a day to just "hang out" I want to be the one who, at one in the morning can get a call, begging me to hang out, I want someone, who just once, shows me that yes, they do care, I want you, and you, and hey even you to get up, say hi, say thanks when I do something nice, because it is a thought action, it is planned, it is something I do on purpose, just to be nice, and I don’t dare pretend that I am a nice person, I am not, so when I do something that is kind, you better know it is for a reason, I am the meanest damn fuck I know, but I am nice (I think) to my “friends”, I hold the door, I give them advice, I listen when they cry to me, I celebrate with them when they do something great, I just wish they would do the same...

Some friends I have...

If you still haven’t gotten me a Christmas present, call me, lets have a day together, you can just tie a bow on yourself and give me a hug for a present, because right now, thats all I want.

Monday, June 30, 2008


Now before you ask, no I am not dead(but from the heat, you could argue otherwise); I have been on a "vacation" of sorts, not that it was entirely relaxing

I went to Victoria, specifically CFB Belmont Park, and let me tell you a few things about it:

  • there is a CANEX, this means that there is always good, cheap junk-food a minute away.
  • there is fast food restaurants EVERYWHERE
  • OMG T3H COUG4Z WIL GET U(In english: my friend Chris is scared of NOCTURNAL animals and wont let me out of the house past 6 p.m.
So you can see that I might have a fun, if a little strange, holiday

We also saw "You Don't Mess With the Zohan", it was a very funny movie, go watch it, now, i'll wait.

You back? Good, did you like it? You did? Good

I also had mini melts, these are REALLY COLD bits of ice cream, they are good

(and no, this Green Day article title was not intentional, I wrote it THEN realized it was a song, and no, i don't care.)

Saturday, June 14, 2008

She's a Rebel

Why is it that people love being so rebellious?  Now I'm not saying that we should all conform into one boring state of submissive monotony, but really, is it so difficult to simply DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD?

Is it really that important, that you have to wank your ego off so fervently by acting all macho tough rebel that you come off as a immature prick machismo dweeb?  I think that we all need a slap in the face, for our own good, from the mighty hand of humility

Sunday, June 8, 2008

welcome to paradise

Have you ever wondered what my idea of paradise is?  Obviously not, to this date, no one has asked me what makes me happy, and I'm thankful. Ask yourself what make YOU happy.  There are many things that makes people happy, some get off on others suffering, some on bringing love into others lives, spreading cheer like a contagious bug, others seem to pull happiness from the air, these people can sometimes do it to such an extent that they are always so ecstatic, that it drives those sharing space wit them over the edge of reason and into a state of feral "shut the hell up" rage...

What? haven't you ever gotten a teensy little bit irritated when buddy just is riding rainbows, and seems to think everyone else, by default, also is?

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Oh Crank Caller, Where art thou?

things that can liven up any party after it has reached and past it's prime:

Chocolate milk - yes it is that good old standard, for when the bottle runs dry and you can't raid your buddy's fridge anymore('cause at 0300h the only thing open is 7/11 and the only thing your stomach will handle at the moment is the delicious, delectable taste of the divine chocolate bliss.)

7/11 - yes that convenience store down the street is just the thing your tired and passed out friends need, it's like the loving mother that will always be there for you, no matter how much you screwed up(plus if you are epic enough you might score yourself a nice 1/2 off slurpee from the nice cashier named jack.)

Jolt - the famous or as my mother would argue infamous energy drink, because as we all know, teens have don't have enough energy as is.

Random 16 Year Old Crank Caller - this is the juggernaut, the "deus ex machina" of parties, she can wake you up simply by random selection of your phone number out of the sea of millions, and with simply the sound of her female voice those hormones now resting comfortably in your brain will burst into life and Bam! party starts all over again(there are only 3 things that can do that: CHUCK NORRIS, women, and an all-nite pizza delivery service.)