Wednesday, December 31, 2008

St. Jimmy

OK, since no one reads this, and if you do, please try to understand, this is my first post in well over 6 months, I have a lot on my plate, and this is really just where I come to vent, and write down my thoughts, I really don't have any sense of direction, and my thought process is a "write as I think" process, so bear with me...

OK, here goes


OK, so maybe that was a little bland, unimaginative, and maybe a little cliche, but you know what, its 2 in the morning, and I cant yell or my dad will wake up, so shut your mouth Mr. imaginary reader.  

Let me list all the things wrong with my life right now, and trust me, I may be a pessimist, but I know what’s bad when I see it, and this stuff is "fo real" 

(In no intended order of importance)

My friends, being the smart, reasonable, clear thinking, honest, chivalrous, kind, compassionate, loving, appreciative, glowing people they are,  aren't.  What's that? You don’t understand? Well, pull up a chair, because this is teenage life for dummies

Chapter one,  YOU

Think about yourself, in one word, describe yourself...

Done yet? No? Keep thinking...

Done yet? Yes, GOOD, please tell me all about it, bring coffee, beer, a five hour energy, whatever floats your is how I describe me, in one word...


Now, some scalawags might say that is a little ego maniacal, or even as far as narcissistic, but think about it,  I am unique, smart, I laugh at all of my jokes, so I must be a witty guy, I can stare in a mirror for hours, so I must be attractive, and I never notice any bad smell, so I must be Fabreeze, right? Right.  See the thing is, you may call me a narcissist, or maybe just a little bit too self involved, or immature, or a brat, or petulant, or just Mike (though if you call me just Mike, I will be unhappy), but to me, I am the best thing since sliced bread, this is mostly in due part to the fact that, I am me, and I like me, I am the best thing to happen to me since, since ever, I never argue with me, I never disagree with me, and hey, me and me, we always wear the same clothes, I mean what's not to like?

Other people however...whole different story. Now I am not saying that they are a bad thing, because frankly, they are people, just like me, so they are free to have they're own desires, wants, hopes, dreams... BUT, and this is a big but, if they are my "friends" then I would hope that I can expect a few things, and I hope I don't sound needy, or overbearing, but really, I would like to see some more love. no really. being me is just as, if not more, difficult than being you, why? because people think I am smart. now, if you think you are smart, then you will probably know what it feels like, if not, let me tell you how it feels..
I like to be right, hell, it turns me on, really, I just thought of a time I was right, and now, I have a boner, really, so you wanna know what? I hate to be wrong, why? Because it is not right, sooooo I make every effort to be right, now, i am not talking about getting 100% on tests, or even being on the honor roll, because really, I don't give a rats ass about that bullshit, I care about people, and you wanna know something, I don't think my "friends" do the same, I think that right now, they are too wrapped up in parties and invitations to even realize who I am, and you wanna know something, that feels like a kick in the gut..

How would you feel, if you felt that, if your whole family just picked up and moved away, that your friends wouldn't even blink, wouldn't even care, wouldn't even notice? I know, feels bad eh? Well guess what, thats how I feel, now, since I know you are not reading this, "friend", start being one, you see that phone? call me, you see that computer, I have a Facebook, message me, take initiative, please, make me feel wanted, make me feel like you actually want to be my friend, I don't want to have to be that "knight in shining armor" who calls you up and asks if you are busy, really, as much as I do it, it is a life of sad, hateful contempt, I hate having to be the only one I know who has the initiative to plan an event, to be the only one who can arrange a day to just "hang out" I want to be the one who, at one in the morning can get a call, begging me to hang out, I want someone, who just once, shows me that yes, they do care, I want you, and you, and hey even you to get up, say hi, say thanks when I do something nice, because it is a thought action, it is planned, it is something I do on purpose, just to be nice, and I don’t dare pretend that I am a nice person, I am not, so when I do something that is kind, you better know it is for a reason, I am the meanest damn fuck I know, but I am nice (I think) to my “friends”, I hold the door, I give them advice, I listen when they cry to me, I celebrate with them when they do something great, I just wish they would do the same...

Some friends I have...

If you still haven’t gotten me a Christmas present, call me, lets have a day together, you can just tie a bow on yourself and give me a hug for a present, because right now, thats all I want.