Monday, November 9, 2009


Redundant writing

never more obvious than

artsy reviewers

"the most Compelling haiku i have read this year" Haiku Fred - World Poetry Weekly

"Compelling" Amelia Cshanis - POETRY!

"Riveting" Philip McKraken - Singapore Sling

"the most haiku I have ever read this year" - Tony

"…The… of… compelling…" TIMEly Magezine

My latest Haiku -Haiku: a haiku by Mike Styles (with help from Kira Nolan) is a haiku about the frequent redundancy in reviews, in it we see a scene, a scene of a sea of snobs and shitty writing, all capped by the compelling final line "Artsy reviewers" -Haiku: a haiku by Mike Styles (with help from Kira Nolan) - Mike Styles (assistance from Kira Nolan) paints a picture of reviewers using pseudo intellectual catch words to compel their readers into docile acceptance of thei-

NO! STOP! ARRÉT! HALTEN! I cant do it!

I'm sorry; this article was supposed to be a satire about a common trend i have noticed in the reviewing and critic community, one which I am at odds with, the exhausting use of pseudo-smart lingo to keep readers lulled into a sense of snobbish pretentiousness, so that they might gain a overstuffed sense of self worth and continue to watch Michael Ba- EHEM view the reviewers works. NOW, I view this as a major problem as it promotes douche-bagged behavior (as well as the continuation of Megan fox's career as an [Mainstream] Actress) and the dumbing down of real reviews into broader douche-reviews, a new species of review, and a member of the greater problem, a plague upon our society, and a growing trend, one we can stop; YOU CAN HELP!

The problem is called Polybiabolicredundanicadicitis, and you can help stop it; all you need to do to protect yourself is go out to your nearest library, grab a dictionary, and read; thats all, no special secret, just education. It's a simple problem really, the masses level of education is declining, and as such, we are becoming less and less able to deal with verbose terminology, such as reviews containing new and unique perspectives and more over, ones that express them without using the words compelling, riveting, or Theatrical.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by the MASTER, RACE (the Mike [Awesome] Styles Team of Educated Reformers & Riviting Association of Clever Educationists)

Monday, November 2, 2009

Murder City

First off, let me get this off my chest, I haven't written in a while; its mostly because i'm lazy, but really, its because i haven't had any shit storms to write about lately, however, I have one matter that is very important to make, and I believe that it is of the utmost importance that I talk about this issue, as it is mounting against us as a society, and could one day topple the very fabric of what we call the upper middle class- this issue: FUCKING CHIHUAHUAS

I fucking hate the little fuckers with their yip yipitty yipping FUCK!

They fucking yip, and that is the only word for it, YIP it is fucking infuriating, they just go on and on and on until my fingers get sore and no longer want to write and on and on and ON; and thats not even the worst part, not even close, thats just a step below the little BEOTCHs that carry them around in their little fucking purses and fucking fucking,fucking carry them in there (fuck, I'm redundant) (back on track) little bags like they are so fucking Cute, they are NOT, they are fucking useless little rat dog- things, which serve no purpose but for one, one great purpose: Punting

Punting is as follows

punt |pənt| |pʌnt|


[ trans. ]to kick (the dog) after it is dropped from the hands and before it reaches the ground

This is the only recommended course of action in dealing with chihuahuas, a swift kick. Better yet, i propose the introduction of a new sport, perhaps maybe even to fill the now vacant spot on TSN!

CHIHUAHUA PUNTING: similar to Fable: The Lost Chapters' Chicken kick'n, teams would assemble into teams, and aim to kick their punt onto a board, their accuracy, and distance of kick would affect their score, with perhaps some bonus's suck as decapitations or continued streaks of successful punt kills!

Now, I understand that this may raise some animal rights issues with dog owners, as well as PETA, however, it is my belief that with a successful ad campaign, we can see a chihuahua punting league as early as next year! (mostly due in to that fact that nobody likes PETA)

But wait! Mike!? why do you hate chihuahuas?

They are small irritating and vile, they shit everywhere, women think they are grotesquely cute, and i hate them for it... also an incident in which one pissed on my shoes...

NEXT TOPIC!: twilight, Stephanie Meyer, and the demon Succubus Anne Rice